Welcome to 2020 Mama!
When you work with a coach, the new year includes far deeper reflection than just a resolution or theme 'word' for the year. Last week, before planning 2020, my coach first had me describe how I had grown and changed in 2019. I thought about my business, marriage, kids, friends, self care, routines...I learned a lot last year! (I'll share a few lessons from 2019 in future posts, btw). Realizing how far I've come was a great start to planning 2020. And what I came up with for this year is completely different than if I had started by thinking about what I want and have looming ahead.
This kind of exercise is so powerful, my own clients do it every week, with a 'growth recognition' space in their journals. Humans always look for big breakthroughs, but change is incremental; it's easy for the progress to be unnoticed or downplayed...and then we give up.
Getting kids to choose words over fists, do chores, ask nicely, be thoughtful...none of that happens overnight; snails outpace our kids' growth sometimes! And you know what's even slower? Our OWN growth - dropping the yelling, mom guilt, frustration, and overwhelm takes work and time, too.
Here's a REAL email I got from a client recently that illustrates this concept perfectly:
"I had a good moment with my MIL and I’m recognizing growth in my parenting confidence.
"My son didn’t want to leave the house and was throwing a fit, so I put him in his room. My MIL told me she doesn’t like locking him in his room and to tell him that Grandma might buy him a present if he comes with us. I didn’t consider her idea, didn’t get upset, or take her suggestion as criticism. I just said, “No, we’re not bribing him or rewarding his behavior, and I'm not leaving him locked in his room. I’ve got this.” Pretty quickly after that we all went out like nothing had gone wrong.
"As a newer mom I would have tried to justify my actions, taken her advice, or at least felt stung by her intention to fix my parenting. But I was confident that mine was the right course of action, so her suggestions didn't seem like a criticism. And before, that disagreement would have soured her visit and my relationship with her even months later. But now it just helps me know her better without animosity. "Of course you know how differently I would have handled that before, because you were the person I told whenever I had a MIL sting and who helped me become more confident. Thank You!"
It's not just about this mom giving herself a pat on the back - it translates into her showing up differently for herself and her family in countless future moments. Her confidence and self-trust are twice as strong because she took a moment to acknowledge herself vs. if she had just dealt with that moment and moved on.
If you're working on a parenting goal right now and feel like you're getting nowhere, you're not alone. We all need what this mom has: the confidence and calm that comes from working with someone who knows what you're going through, sees your growth and believes in you even when you don't, and knows how to get you where you're going, even when you feel lost.
Without that kind of objective reflection, our parenting efforts stop short in a jumble of failure and hopelessness (not to mention continued misbehavior).
If you are ready to get that help, I'm ready to give it to you! Reach out and let's talk about where you are and where you want to go in 2020 (firstname.lastname@example.org)!