Making the most of our time
This year, my oldest child started high school and my youngest started kindergarten. My teenager became a full-blown adolescent, with everything that entails. AND, my little cuddly shadow became an independent big kid with a lot less time for 'baby stuff'.
It all makes me look at time in a deeper way, and fully realize how lucky my family is that I learned early-on how to approach that time intentionally. It certainly didn't start out that way.
Time is short, and our time with our children, even shorter.
Really, what else matters but our relationships with them? We know this, but we get caught in the day-to-day.
We have too many things to do and remember, and find ourselves yelling about silly things, angry with the ones we love, and ashamed for how we behaved.
Or, we're so preoccupied that we don't notice the small stuff that amazing memories are made of. This was the fog I lived in after my first child was born, and I see so many parents stuck there now.
The other day, I caught myself reminiscing about when my teen was tiny, and how idyllic life was then...and then I remembered that I spent much of that time feeling completely miserable and lost. And anyone who came up to me in those days and said, "Oh, enjoy these moments now; you'll miss them when they're gone. They grow up too fast," was in mortal peril of a throat punch (anyone seen that Scary Mommy video? That was me, for sure).
Thankfully something happened to wake me up: my child looked at me in fear as I yelled at him one day, and I saw everything as it really was - my future with him laid out and terrible. I knew I couldn't let it go down that way. It was a lot of trial and error, researching, seeking input and muddling through, and I found my way to a much happier outlook, well-behaved incredible kids and a life that felt (and feels!) really great to me.
Looking back, these are the main things that got me there:
Freedom from the guilt I felt every time I screwed up and thought I had done something unforgivable and unfixable.
Confidence that I had all the tools I needed to parent well and nourish my relationship with my children.
A fulfilling and sustainable home and life outside of motherhood.
This is what I give my clients in every coaching session, in every homework assignment, and in every message cheering them on, because they mean the difference between feeling like we've squandered precious time, or made the absolute most of it.
Fifteen years of motherhood has taught me that I have 'that thing' that my kids need and I was put here to give them, and that makes me feel whole outside of parenthood alone. And 10 years working with growing families has confirmed it hundreds of times; I have yet to meet a mom who disproves it!
But most of us are getting in our own way, like we have unlimited time to get it right, putting off or avoiding the resources we need to stay on track.
We get distracted, stuck in our own mind drama, or convinced it's impossible.
Unfortunately, time is NOT limitless and realizing that can wake us up to doing something about it.
How about you? Do you love the way you’re living your one and only life and time with your child? If the answer to that isn't a resounding "Hell Yes!" we need to talk.
The 45 minutes you spend with me could be the thing that makes the rest of your time with your child completely different than it is right now. It is possible to get back on track for your kids, for your family, for yourself. And it all starts with an email to me (ann@DenverDoulaServices.com).