The secret to true closeness with children
Last year, my teenager started lying... a lot. We always had a very open relationship, so these lies were devastating and confusing. I felt like I was losing him and had done something wrong. Each time he lied, I would sit down to talk with him - Why did he lie? Could he see that he was losing trust and integrity and hurting everyone? Our conversations were long, tearful, pleading, apologetic, and totally USELESS. Actually, they were worse than useless; those talks, not his lying, were the REAL reason I was losing my son. The more I felt him slip away, the more I searched for a response that would both discipline the problem AND preserve my connection with him. But discipline and connecting are different things that can’t be achieved the same way.
True discipline needs to be action, not words. And genuine connection is only possible when your communication has no agenda. By trying to discipline my son through my words, I was undermining my relationship with him AND perpetuating his misbehavior! Imagine a totally free-flowing dialogue with your child. In this moment you're not trying to persuade them, change them or prevent anything - you're simply communicating because you love them and want to be with them.
This kind of closeness is only possible when we separate discipline from communication. Active discipline (through consequences and boundaries) frees up our conversations to be about deep connection and nothing more.
Our conversations cease being about raising our child, and become solely about loving our child.
This shift stopped the tailspin I was in with my son. Now I have a clear course of action with boundaries and consequences when he lies, which curbed the behavior quickly. More importantly, we are rebuilding our relationship.
Now when we talk, I am connected and present while he goes through the rollercoaster of adolescence. Our conversations don't need to be about his behavior, because I already address that in my discipline. Just like my clients, I needed outside help to get back on track with my son. I relied on my coach, my training and my community, and couldn’t have done it alone. This is exactly what I give to moms in the TRIBE program:
Weekly direct coaching,
A powerful parenting course, and
A community of badass women supporting each other
TRIBE is designed to elevate your parenting and support you through motherhood, for life! If you are ready to change your child's behavior while deepening your relationship with them, you belong in TRIBE and I can't wait to see you there.
None of us (including me!) can do this mom thing alone, and we don’t have to!
Enrollment is open now. Coaching begins in January. Use promo code earlybird until January 1st to receive special pricing.
Thanks for reading, Mama. Ann, xo