True Family Leadership
Updated: Sep 15, 2020
"I am SO sick of cleaning constantly. This house is always a disaster."
"We are so BUSY - I'm running in 10 directions at once all day long."
"I need a freaking BREAK! Just 10 minutes where I am alone and no one wants anything from me would be heaven."
Sound familiar? I'm not surprised - I can count on 1 hand the number of new client calls I've had that didn't include these laments. Feeling this way is the normal result of a common mistake we make as moms: Trying to be the head and the tail at once.
As moms, we are leaders of our families, but we spend way too much of our time acting like grunt workers instead, which makes us terrible at leadership. Many moms I talk to have a big problem delegating to other family members, bringing in outside help or disciplining in a way that lets their kids do the heavy lifting instead of them.
Sometimes there are logistic or financial obstacles, which I help them overcome. But most of the time it's because we have a nonsense belief that the grunt work of running a family goes hand-in-hand with being a good mother. I'm here to tell you that your kids will still have a great childhood even if you're not the one scrubbing toilets or you only drive the soccer carpool every other week. And handing your kids' problems back to them with love (by consequencing them for their mess instead of cleaning it up, for example) will enhance their childhood even more!
A huge part of moms' challenges are not about parenting or behavior at all, but rather the herculean feat of making our families function each day. This is why I learned early in my practice to not just work on parenting skills with my clients.
My job is also to empower my clients to step into their role as a leader. I call this aspect of my coaching, Family Management.
Managing a family is very similar to managing any other group of people. When you're the head of something, you have the big picture in mind, make executive decisions, and supervise the execution of all the things that need to get done. You strategize and problem solve, mentor and train. This mindset is a game-changer in motherhood - in how we run our homes and in how we respond to our kids' behavior. There are so many mothering tasks that we can't delegate and would never want to. I WANT to be the boo-boo kisser, vacation planner, confessor and cheerleader to my kids, and I know that delegating in the areas where I'm replaceable makes me SO much better at the things where no one can take my place, and enables me to discipline my kids from a place of leadership.
Family management may seem like the least sexy part of my coaching work. Time management, chores, childcare, delegation...it's boring and mundane. But the transformation I see when my clients step into leadership is extraordinary. The feelings of overwhelm, busy-ness, exhaustion, and chaos fade away, as you might imagine. But it goes further than that. Kids' behavior improves, mom feels confident and on top of things, and the vibe in the family becomes peaceful and connected. It's like clockwork: each time one of my clients makes this shift, she becomes calm, skilled, organized and in control, it's no surprise that the people she leads feel it too and fall in line.
If you want help leading your family and learning to be the head and not the tail, we should meet. I'm talking to moms now who are ready to start working with me in October. Book a free discovery call and share the struggles of running your family with me. We'll talk about the behavior, energy, and organization in your home, and you'll walk away knowing exactly what to do to turn it all around.