Venting is the first step to change
Updated: May 5
Who's indulging in a big ole' vent-fest these days with anyone who crosses your path? If so, you're not alone, and believe it or not, you might be on the brink of something huge. Transformation starts by deeply connecting with how unhappy we are in our current place, and for a lot of us, that involves venting and bellyaching.
But sometimes we hang out in this place a little too long. What started as healthy recognition of unhappiness, transforms into never-ending F*@k-My-Life venting.
Wallowing in misery is one way we avoid pain: complaining, judging, focusing on the crappy stuff and believing we're stuck - these are all distractions. This kind of FML mindset is an adult tantrum, and it works just like a toddler meltdown.
When a kid receives a time-out, it's really not so bad. It's really just sitting down and being by yourself. And during that time, the child thinks about themselves, their place in life, and what they can do about it. This is how learning and growth happens.
But kids fight time-out. They throw toys, kick, scream, tell you they hate you and wig out. That's not thinking about themselves and their place in life; that's resisting their place in life and it almost always precedes the calm that enables learning.
Pretty much everything we are seeing on social media right now, is a grown-up tantrum. NextDoor, Facebook, zoom happy hours...it's everywhere. Grown-up resistance to growth involves a lot of complaining and excuses why nothing can be better -
"Our leadership is idiotic."
"How am i supposed to do this?!!?"
"This is impossible, screw it."
"Schools might be closed until January?! Are you freaking kidding?!?!"
"Stuff should open again by now!"
"Why the hell is stuff opening again right now?!?!"
"Why is everyone not following the rules?!?
"Why is everyone judging me for not following the rules!?!"
We think we're identifying a problem, but we're really just wigging out.
What takes someone from connecting with their misery, to creating change? It's trite, but true: the only way out is through. These tantrums only delay us processing through our emotions and figuring out how to move on to something better.
I have helped hundreds of moms move through their own blocks and it comes down to this: the way to change your misery is to first feel it without resistance, so you can think about yourself, your place in life and what you can do about it (just like that kiddo in time-out).
It's hard to do this from the inside; objective feedback and outside accountability make all the difference, and it's a big reason my clients grow by leaps and bounds when we work together.
There is someone reading this right now and realizing that, YES, it's time to be done with sadness and feeling stuck, and to start doing something about it. Enough with the endless venting! Let's get on with life and make it better than ever - in terms of the dynamics with our kids, in terms of the balance in our lives, and in terms of our relationships with ourselves.
If this is you - it's time to hop on a discovery call and get my eyes on your family's struggles and goals. You'll walk away from your call with a clear plan to make change and a renewed sense of hope about what is possible for you and your family, no matter what challenges your circumstances pose.
And if you have a gaggle of gals who are ALL ready for a shift, book a FREE mini-training for your small group! Grab a glass of wine, your computer, and your peeps. Hop on a call where you'll still vent about life and kids, but with someone who can help you do something to make it better. Just email me and we'll set up a chat that's just what you and your friends need right now (ann@MomMeExperience.com)