Why We Beat Ourselves Up
Have you ever thought about why you beat yourself up as a mom? (yes, I am assuming you do it, and after 10 years of this work, I feel sadly confident in that assumption). A lot of my clients think it's because they have low self esteem or because they care so much about their kids. But what if you actually think you're doing your kids a favor by hating on yourself?
SO many moms have an inner critic that believes there's a secret, objective truth that she is a bad mother, and that she needs to face that truth at all times, or else she will harm her kids without even realizing it. This leads us to take ownership of our kids' struggles and responsibility for their happiness, and it leads us to beat ourselves up because we believe deep down that it makes us better parents.
Does this sound extreme to you? I wish I could tell you how many variations of this I hear every day: "If I'm hyper-vigilant and super critical of myself, I'll minimize my parenting mistakes so actually it's really good for my kids for me to be so down on myself."
Why is it so hard to give up mom guilt? Because we don't really want to. In fact, we think it's in our kids' best interest for us to cling to our inner critic for dear life.
Until we REALLY accept that the guilt is not serving us, we moms who have this inner critic will never give it up. And we will stay trapped in our own cycle of marginalizing and criticizing ourselves, feeling awful about our mistakes, and not showing up for our kids the way we want to.
Until we REALLY accept that the guilt is not serving us, we moms who have this inner critic will never give it up.
A few weeks ago, I talked about a vicious cycle parents often fall into of committing to being better, getting pushed to the limit, losing their temper, feeling awful about it, and committing to being better again (if you didn't see that one, check it out here). I challenged you to consider that there's something deeper at play that traps us in this cycle; it's not about just learning the latest mommy hack or discipline tool so that our kids don't drive us nuts.
You might not have this inner critic that so many moms do, so this post might not describe your 'something deeper.' But I promise that you DO have a 'something deeper', and it's the culprit behind your biggest parenting struggles every time.
3 times in February I am leading a free training that will bring these deeper things to the surface for you. Breaking The Cycle Of Frustrated Parenting is an online training that will cover:
Why we keep losing our temper on our kids
The biggest mistake guaranteeing misbehavior and fighting
Handling obstacles without yelling
Finding and shifting the root of your frustration, so you can break the cycle!
I encourage you to join me and start to uncover your 'something deeper'